86 | Endless Mountains and Rivers
Gu Mingxi, is it you?
Li Han asked Gu Mingxi, “What kind of work did you find?”
Gu Mingxi said, “Internet bar administrator.”
“Can you do it?”
“Yeah, Mom.” Gu Mingxi smiled and said, “The boss is really nice. When I’m working the day s.h.i.+ft, I can even come back for lunch. And they pay at the end of each s.h.i.+ft.”
Li Han said, “Oh… Then they really are a good person.”
Gu Mingxi thusly began his “working career.” He would leave early in the morning and come back late at night. In the middle of the day, he went over to the hospital to have lunch with his mother.
When he first started sitting at the bridge, he definitely wasn’t used to it and he was very nervous. But most of all, he felt embarra.s.sed. He couldn’t even raise his head to look at people, and he only stared at his feet holding onto a brush, drawing one page at a time. In front of him, the feet of pa.s.sersby crossed, and occasionally someone would stop. He uneasily glanced up before immediately lowering his head back down.
The first afternoon, he didn’t sell a single painting. The man who sold the straw animal figures was Cheng, and everyone called him Cannon Cheng. Cannon Cheng couldn’t help but say to Gu Mingxi, “Xiao Gu, you’re too shy. You won’t make any money that way. We’re not stealing anything, we’re just earning money off our talents. What are you so embarra.s.sed about? If someone comes looking, you have to make a greeting.”
Gu Mingxi asked, “How do you greet them?”
“You just say, ‘Sir, Miss, buy a painting. Pay however much you’d like and take if home for your kids to see.'”
Gu Mingxi frowned, “Pay as much as you’d like?”
“Bulls.h.i.+t, what else? You think they came here to buy paintings and that they really like your work?” Cannon Cheng held up the straw frog he just made for Gu Mingxi to see. “Alright, when someone comes by, I’ll help you call them in.”
Later on, a young mother was taking her daughter across the bridge. The little miss was completely entranced by the straw figures that Cannon Cheng made. She crouched down in front of him and looked at them happily. The young mother wasn’t in a rush, so she let Cannon Cheng make her daughter a little rabbit. After she payed, Cannon Cheng pointed over to Gu Mingxi and said, “It’ll take me five minutes to finish making this. Go on and take a look at that guy’s paintings. It’s not easy for the kid, but his paintings are pretty good.”
Gu Mingxi had already painted several watercolors. Most of the time, they were animals and plants. Exaggerated and colorful. The young mother looked at his empty s.h.i.+rt sleeves and asked, “How much for these?”
Gu Mingxi really couldn’t say something like “Pay as much as you’d like.” He lifted his head to look at her and said quietly, “Small one’s five dollars, big one’s ten dollars.”
“Then I’ll take one.” The young mother pulled out five dollars and handed it to Gu Mingxi. His right foot was holding onto his brush, so he could only lift his left foot to accept the money. He was very careful to make sure he didn’t touch her hand. The young mother called over to her daughter, “Sweetie, come and pick a painting.”
The little miss happily ran over in front of Gu Mingxi and picked a small painting of a squirrel. She opened her mouth and smiled to Gu Mingxi, and then said, “This squirrel’s really cute!”
Gu Mingxi also smiled, “Glad that you like it.”
That was his first customer. Since he opened for business, Gu Mingxi gradually picked up the confidence to make a greeting when someone pa.s.sed by.
Actually, he started to consider. Cannon Cheng was right. People didn’t stop because he painted something spectacular. It’s because they felt bad for a disabled person.
In the past, Gu Mingxi was more or less indifferent towards the strangers who looked at him pitifully. He knew that there was no way for him to change their thoughts. It was obvious and normal for others to feel sympathy for him.
He had his dignity though, and he hoped to gain the respect of others. But in the eyes of Chinese society, being disabled definitely put you in a position that was below that of a healthy person. Gu Mingxi was just one person and he couldn’t change anything. What he could do was to stick to his own principles and ideas and live a good life.
Cannon Cheng’s predictions were pretty good. Gu Mingxi really did make up to 200 dollars in a day, since he often met very generous people. They’d spend 50 dollars or even 100 dollars just for a single painting. When Gu Mingxi wanted to give them their change, they wouldn’t take it. They said, “Keep it to buy more materials.”
There were times that Gu Mingxi would stop painting and take a break. The bridge didn’t have a roof, so he would lean back against the railing and look up at the sky.
The sky in the city wasn’t very blue, but dull and grey. Even the clouds weren’t very white. A flock of birds would fly past, and then Gu Mingxi would think of Pang Qian. What was she doing now?
When he thought of her, he would study how to make those straw figures from Cannon Cheng. He could make a crab, a green straw crab with two big claws. Gu Mingxi really liked it.
He used his feet to make it, but no matter what, it didn’t turn out very good. It wasn’t like he lacked patience though. He used his toes to slowly and carefully join together the straw pieces. Cannon Cheng spent a few minutes to make a little figure of a crab, but Gu Mingxi still couldn’t make one after an entire day. Still, he found pleasure in making it, and he would always smile looking at that half-finished crab.
After Li Han’s surgery, she needed to go through three weeks of chemotherapy, so they’d have to stay in S City until May. Gu Mingxi spent the next three months on that bridge.
In those three months, he came across many annoying things. For example, the city tried to get rid of the peddlers, there were thieves and pa.s.sersby causing troubles, and the difficulties that came along with a sudden rainstorm.
In those three months, he came across even more warm people and things. The world always had more good people. Gu Mingxi stopped caring about the reason that they bought his paintings. After all, a few thousand dollars of extra money each month meant that he and his mother would be able to live a bit more comfortably.
Most people would still pick out a painting they liked after paying money, or they’d wait and watch as Gu Mingxi finished painting something and take that before leaving. But there were still a small group of people who said they’d buy a painting, but would just leave without one after paying. Gu Mingxi couldn’t call them back no matter what he did.
Once, he called over to a young man. “Sir, you forgot your painting!”
He just turned back and said, “Forget it, I don’t want it anymore.”
Gu Mingxi stood up and said, “If you don’t want the painting, I’ll give you your money back. I’m running a business here, not trying to feed myself.”
That man’s face was completely unhappy. “How can there be someone like you!” Seeing Gu Mingxi about to respond, he impatiently waved his hand. “Alright, don’t say anymore. I’m in a hurry, give me the painting.”
He randomly grabbed a painting and then turned and left. Gu Mingxi kept watching his receding figure, until he got to the stairs of the bridge, and he just threw the painting away.
The paper flew off and drifted down from the bridge, slowly, until it landed in the path of the pa.s.sing people below. Someone walking turned and looked upwards. He bent over to pick up the painting and carefully looked at it awhile. Then he raised his head up to the bridge.
Xu Shuanghua carried the painting in his hands and walked over to Gu Mingxi. He looked down at this young man without arms, who was using his feet to paint. Gu Mingxi lifted his head and a shy smile appeared on his face. He said, “Mister, take a look at my paintings. Pick one out if you’d like. They’re very cheap.”
Xu Shuanghua was nearly 50 years old. He had a medium build, somewhat elegant features, though he was dressed very ordinary. He didn’t say anything and just watched as Gu Mingxi painted.
Gu Mingxi had already grown accustomed to the pa.s.sersby watching him. He put all his attention onto the painting, and soon, two snuggling kittens were born onto the page.
When he lifted his foot to rinse off his brush, Xu Shuanghua asked, “Have you studied it before?”
Gu Mingxi lifted his head and then nodded. “Several years.”
“How many?”
“Almost ten years. I started when I was 9 years old.”
“How old are you now?”
“21.”
Xu Shuanghua looked at the painting in his hands and asked, “These brush strokes are used in examinations. Are you an art student?”
“Ah, no.” Although this man looked rather apathetic, Gu Mingxi didn’t feel the need to put up his guard. He answered, “I studied at the Children’s Palace (kind of like a big community center) when I was younger, and then I studied under a teacher from junior high onward. Most of the students there were art students, so the things we draw inevitable utilized techniques that get tested.”
“Why didn’t you go to college?” Xu Shuanghua asked as he followed suit and sat down on the ground. He crossed his legs and continued asking, “Is it because your family had difficulties?”
Gu Mingxi said quietly, “I withdrew from school. My mom’s sick and I need to take care of her.”
“What about your dad?”
“He lives far away. They’re divorced.”
“What’s your name?”
“Gu Mingxi.”
And then, Xu Shuanghua didn’t say anything more. Gu Mingxi also didn’t initiate any conversation. He continued to set up his paper and paint. Xu Shuanghua silently watched him from the side, watching as he painted.
After he sat for two hours, Xu Shuanghua didn’t say anything and just got up and left.
In the next few days, Gu Mingxi often saw this middle aged man. They didn’t talk to each other. That man just stood beside him or sat down next to him and watched as he painted one thing after another.
Then one day, Xu Shuanghua said, “Xiao Gu, pack up your things. I want to take you somewhere.”
After just a few days, he said this to Gu Mingxi. If it were someone else, they definitely would have refused. but Gu Mingxi just hesitated briefly before he packed up his things.
He put his backpack onto his shoulders, but he was having a hard time, so Xu Shuanghua helped him. Gu Mingxi said, “Thank you.”
Xu Shuanghua said lightly, “You’re welcome. Let’s go, my car is down below.”
Gu Mingxi hadn’t expected at all that Xu Shuanghua actually brought him to the celebrated Art Inst.i.tute in S City. And even more than that, he hadn’t expected that this normal-looking middle aged man was Xu Shuanghua.
“You’re Teacher Xu Shuanghua?” Gu Mingxi was extremely surprised. Xu Shuanghua was one of the nation’s very famous oil painting masters. Usually, he was a visiting professor at the Art Inst.i.tute. Being able to meet such a master really made him excited.
Xi Shuanghua smiled a rare smile. He said, “You know who I am?”
“My teacher used to mention you often.” Gu Mingxi’s eyes sparkled. “Teacher Xu, you’ve brought me here because…”
“I want to see your foundation,” Xu Shuanghua said. “There’s a cla.s.s of freshman who will be sketching bones next cla.s.s. Draw with them.”
Gu Mingxi was suddenly put on the spot to sketch bones. It had already been many years since he’d sketched that. Being together with a group of freshman students, he felt very nervous. In the end, he didn’t do very well.
Gu Mingxi could see how disappointed Xu Shuanghua was. He knew that he’d drawn terribly. Xu Shuanghua didn’t give any remarks and just drove Gu Mingxi back to the bridge.
When the car was parked, Xu Shuanghua said to Gu Mingxi, “Although I teach at the Art Inst.i.tute, those students are all just students. They’re not ‘my students.’ Up to now, I’ve only had three students. One opened a studio in Shanghai, another went to Germany to study, and the last went to develop in America. I’m not especially careful about who I take on as a student. I don’t care about all the elaborate, convoluted things. What I’m talking about is fate and talent.”
He looked at Gu Mingxi, “Xiao Gu, you and I had some fate, but I’m sorry, you’re lacking in talent.”
Gu Mingxi got out of the car and carried his backpack on the road as he watched Xu Shuanghua’s car drive off.
He was no longer that fluffy-haired teenaged youth. Gu Mingxi knew that he’d encountered what might have been a life-changing opportunity, but he’d ruined it by not living up to expectations. Then Gu Mingxi thought, that sketch didn’t show his true level. So he shouldn’t give up so easily. He needed to fight for it a bit.
Gu Mingxi liked to draw/paint. That year, the reason he hadn’t tried to test into an art major was because his science scores were very good. To get into a top-tier art school, Gu Mingxi would have needed to spend a year making detailed preparations. And in the end, it wasn’t certain that he’d be able to get into a school. If he didn’t, it would have wasted his good scores, and all would have been for naught.
Because of this chance coincidence, Gu Mingxi was able to meet Xu Shuanghua. He suddenly felt that his life had a new direction. After thinking about it for a night at home, he decided that he go to convince Xu Shuanghua.
Note: Was trying to figure out where to put this explanation, and here seems a decent place. The t.i.tle of this chapter is 山重水复, which literally means something like “mountains and rivers again,” so I wrote it as “Endless Mountains and Rivers.” I believe it’s part of the longer phrase (山重水复疑无路，柳暗花明又一村) which translates to something like, “With the endless mountains and rivers, you may suspect that there is no path out. Then you’ll come across the shade of a tree, bright flowers, and a little village.” It’s like seeing a glimpse of hope after wandering (seemingly) aimlessly, something like that.
Gu Mingxi stopped going to set up his stall on the bridge. Every day, he went to S City’s Art Inst.i.tute and stood outside Xu Shuanghua’s office and waited all day.
Xu Shuanghua was a visiting professor so he didn’t go to the school on regular basis. One day he came and was startled to see Gu Mingxi, and then a feeling of dislike appeared.
When he saw Xu Shuanghua, Gu Mingxi immediately followed him. Carrying his sketchbook on his back, he sad, “Teacher Xu, I’ve brought some sketches I’ve been practicing. Can you take a look?”
“I’ve already seen your sketch.” Xu Shuanghua didn’t even turn back as he spoke. Gu Mingxi continued to follow him, “Teacher Xu, last time I didn’t draw well because–”
Xu Shuanghua cut him off. “Those who are truly talented will still be able to create a magnificent piece of work even if they haven’t touched a pencil (or brush) in more than ten years.”
“Teacher Xu…”
Xu Shuanghua suddenly stopped. He turned around to face Gu Mingxi. Several months under the sun on the bridge had caused him to become very dark, but his eyes still s.h.i.+ned brightly. His lips were dry and chapped. Xu Shuanghua frowned and asked, “How long have you been here?”
Gu Mingxi answered, “The whole day.”
“Have you eaten?”
Gu Mingxi shook his head, but then he nodded. “I brought some bread and ate it at lunch time.”
“Have you gone to the restroom? Can you go on your own?”
Gu Mingxi said quietly, “I can just drink less water.”
“Nonsense!” Xu Shuanghua grew angry. “Gu Mingxi, don’t let me see you again!”
He left in a huff of anger. Gu Mingxi stood there watching his back go.
A few days later, Xu Shuanghua saw Gu Mingxi waiting at his office again. He smiled and said, “Teacher Xu, I’ve brought my tools. I can use the restroom on my own, though it’s a bit slow and tedious. I brought water as well and I drank lots of water today.”
“…” Xu Shuanghua, “What tools?”
“Don’t ask for help (or ‘help yourself’).” Gu Mingxi smiled. “A backscratcher.”
Their confrontation outside his office laster a moment, and then Xu Shuanghua said, “Xiao Gu, don’t act like this. I’m not a girl (that you’re after). Pestering me like this is pointless.”
Gu Mingxi put away his smile and said, “Teacher Xu, I really want to be your student.”
“Why?”
“I…” Gu Mingxi spoke evenly, “I don’t have arms, and I can’t find work. I have to consider what I can do in the future. I can’t spend the rest of my life on that bridge. I like to draw, and I hope I can become your student. To learn many things, so that I can earn a living off of this.”
He spoke very honestly, but Xu Shuanghua said, “I’m not a charity.”
Gu Mingxi’s face immediately turned unsightly. His chest moved up and down, and then he spoke in a low voice. “Teacher Xu, please give me one more chance.”
Just then, another teacher hurried over. Upon seeing Xu Shuanghua, they said, “Teacher Xu, there’s something I need to discuss with you. The model for today’s drawing cla.s.s has suddenly gotten sick and can’t come. We can’t find another model in just an hour and a half. Do you think we should adjust the cla.s.s?”
Xu Shuanghua glanced at him and then turned to look at Gu Mingxi. Suddenly, he said, “I think that a disabled person will have a great visual impact for everyone. Those young kids are probably tired of drawing a wrinkly old man. Maybe if we change to a young model, it will allow their creativity and pa.s.sion burst out.”
He smiled faintly at Gu Mingxi. “I can give you another chance. Are you willing to be a model?”
When Gu Mingxi stood at the door to the studio, his heart was beating violently.
Then he pushed open the door with his crippled shoulders and slowly entered the room.
Inside the room was more than twenty students, all prepping behind their easels. Someone looked up and saw Gu Mingxi, their eyes filled with surprise.
A young man? This is very strange.
But more surprising was what they saw after Gu Mingxi took off his robe. A m.u.f.fled exclamation sounded around the room.
Head to toe, Gu Mingxi was only wearing a single pair of grey briefs. More than twenty easels surrounded him, the afternoon sun pa.s.sing through the windows to s.h.i.+ne onto his body.
There were tiny dust particles floating through the air. Gu Mingxi quietly stood in the center of the studio room, his head lowered and his chest moving up and down. After a moment, he closed his eyes a bit and then opened them again, his eyes s.h.i.+ning with a firm glow. Slowly, he raised his head, straightened his back, and stretched out his shoulders.
He’d never shown his bare, crippled body to strangers before. The scars in the flesh where his arms had been amputated could be a bit hard for normal people to look at. When he moved his shoulders, those two round bits would move as well, the bones wriggling under his skin. The st.i.tched up skin in his underarm area also twitched a bit.
During this time, Gu Mingxi was very thin. The skin on his face, neck, and from his knees and down was pretty tanned, but the rest of his body was very pale. A body so dark and light looked rather comical.
He had a pair of slender and powerful legs, a narrow waist, and his bottom stuck out quite a bit. His shoulders were broad but his chest wasn’t covered in muscles. At the time, you could even see part of his rib cage.
Gu Mingxi had a distinct facial contour with deep facial features. His eyes looked very stable and calm, as if the room of more than twenty pairs of eyes staring and examining him didn’t bother him at all.
Xu Shuanghua didn’t position Gu Mingxi in any special pose. Since he didn’t have arms, it would’ve been a bit difficult to create a decent position. Xu Shuanghua let Gu Mingxi stand there casually, head held high and chest out. He stood straight and tall like a tree. His eyes stared blankly, unsure where he should direct his gaze. Under Xu Shuanghua’s guidance and the in the midst of the sounds of pencil strokes, Gu Mingxi bared his body for the cla.s.s.
After cla.s.s, Xu Shuanghua personally helped Gu Mingxi put his robe back on. He gave the young man a pat on his shoulders and said, “Kid, not bad.”
When he left the Art Inst.i.tute, Gu Mingxi didn’t want to take the train back, so he walked on the street zoning out. Then he saw a public phone near the entrance to the school.
Gu Mingxi curiously headed over to it. He found a spot to sit and used his face and shoulders pull off the receiver, and then he pressed in that familiar number.
He didn’t pick up the receiver, but instead bent his head over onto it and listened with his ear.
The phone was picked up quickly. Pang Qian’s voice sounded on the other end, “h.e.l.lo, who is this?”
Gu Mingxi didn’t respond, but just breathed evenly. Pang Qian asked again, “h.e.l.lo?”
After a few seconds, she said, “Gu Mingxi, is it you?”
“…”
“Gu Mingxi! Gu Mingxi, I knew it was you! Gu Mingxi!” Her voice shook, carrying a sob. “Gu Mingxi, Gu Mingxi, don’t hang up! Where are you?! Where is this phone number from? You’re not in Z City anymore? Why are you hiding from me?! What happened? Are you doing back to school in September?”
“…”
She finally calmed down and spoke gently, “Gu Mingxi, listen to me. I know that things might not be going well for you recently. And I can’t help you with it either. But if there’s something on your mind, you can call me. Even if you don’t say anything, that’s okay. I’ll talk to you. Don’t hang up, because I definitely won’t. Gu Mingxi, you have to let me know that you’re living well, okay?”
He answered in his heart, Okay.
And then he hung up.
Pang Qian quickly redialed the number. Someone picked up. “This is a public phone… S City… The person on the phone before? Ah, he already left… No arms? What nonsense are you spouting? How many people without arms have you seen before?”
