65 | The Meaning of Forever
Gu Mingxi, I’m lovelorn.
Pang Qian stopped telling Gu Mingxi about wanting to confess to Xie Yi. And understanding, he didn’t bring it up either.
She took the scene from that afternoon and pushed it deep inside, deciding not to tell anyone else about it.
When school started again, Xie Yi moved to the advanced cla.s.s. He was in the same cla.s.s as Xiao Yujing. Pang Qian thought, he must be happy.
This year was the last year there would be a black July. Starting next year, the college entrance exams would be held in June. (From 1978-2002, the national college entrance exam was held on July 7th, but from 2003 onward, it’s held in June.) After the results for this year came back, First High arranged for all the students in advanced cla.s.ses to take a simulation college entrance exam.
That day, when Pang Qian heard that Gu Mingxi was going to school for the test, she was very bored. She said, “I’ll go with you.”
She was worried it would be inconvenient for him to take the bus on his own. Actually, when Gu Mingxi moved to City West for a year, he often took the bus by himself. Of course, he didn’t turn down Pang Qian’s offer. The two of them went to school, and while Gu Mingxi went to take his exam, Pang Qian went to the ping pong gym.
Although it was already summer break, the gym wasn’t closed. There were a few ping pong team members practicing there. Pang Qian suddenly thought that when school started up again, she probably wouldn’t come to play anymore. She couldn’t help but let out a sigh.
She looked around the gym. It was the most advanced high school ping pong arena in all of E City. It was the biggest reason that enticed Xie Yi to First High. And it was what bound Xie Yi and Pang Qian together.
Someone saw Pang Qian and called out happily, “Crab, let’s play together!”
Pang Qian said, “Sure!”
The boy handed her a paddle. “The King was just here, but he left for the exam.”
“Oh.”
“Kid must be pleased with himself, he’s going to be in the same cla.s.s as G.o.ddess Xiao next semester. Who knows, he might have to torture himself and study tirelessly, without being able to come to practice anymore.”
Pang Qian giggled and said quietly, “You know he likes Xiaｏ Yujing too.”
The boy laughed loudly, “The whole team probably knows. The King’s been chasing G.o.ddess Xiao for several months now.”
Pang Qian stared at him.
He asked, “What, you didn’t know?”
Pang Qian bounced the ball on her paddle. With a smile, “Just kidding with you. Of course I knew.”
She played intermittently over the next two hours. When she was tired and covered in sweat, she sat down to rest at the side of the gym. She suspected that the exam would be done by then.
Pang Qian went to the first floor of the academic building to wait for Gu Mingxi. Awhile later, the students who’d taken the exam came out in twos and threes. Gu Mingxi carried his backpack and walked out with Xiao Yujing and Xie Yi beside him. The three of them were discussing the exam questions.
When he saw Pang Qian, Gu Mingxi smiled. Xie Yi said, “Hey, Pang Qian, you came too. Let’s go out for lunch. We can find a place and pick a few dished.”
Pang Qian glanced over at Xiao Yujing, thinking to herself that she didn’t want to go. She didn’t expect that Xiao Yujing would beat her to it. “I’m not going. I have to head home to eat.”
Xie Yi said, “We have to take another test at 1:30. Why are you going home?”
“I told my grandma that I’d be home for lunch. See you in the afternoon. Bye.” Xiao Yujing left just like that. Xie Yi clenched his teeth as he watched her head off. He turned back to Gu Mingxi, “Then, let’s go to eat, the three of us.”
Pang Qian still didn’t want to go. As she was about to reject him, Gu Mingxi said, “Sorry, me and Pang Qian also have to head home for lunch.”
Pang Qian was so touched that she could cry. She immediately nodded in agreement. “Yeah, my grandma is also making lunch.”
The abandoned Xie Yi was stunned, and he could only look for some ping pong team members to eat lunch with.
Of course, Gu Mingxi and Pang Qian didn’t go home. They walked a bit and found a KFC and went inside for the air conditioning and to eat.
It was really inconvenient for Gu Mingxi to eat the food at KFC, but it was the only place where they could rest comfortably in the middle of the day. And since Pang Qian liked it, he didn’t mind. Pang Qian bought two hamburgers and a drink for them. Just as usual, she put the hamburger box on the table and Gu Mingxi lowered his head to eat it like that.
Eating food in that manner was a bit awkward, and his mouth would inevitably be stained by sauce. Thankfully, Pang Qian would help him to wipe his mouth. She even fed him a piece of spicy chicken wing. In any case, with Pang Qian’s help, Gu Mingxi pretty much ate his fill.
After they finished eating, they stayed inside the KFC to rest a bit longer. The two of them sat in a corner, Gu Mingxi on a sofa against the wall. Seeing that there was no one beside him, he lifted his feet up onto the chair, exercising his feet and toes.
Pang Qian saw this and immediately moved to sit next to Gu Mingxi. She asked, “Was there an essay question on the exam? Do your toes hurt?”
Gu Mingxi quietly said, “Mm.” Pang Qian said, “There’s still the math and English tests in the afternoon. Should I give you a ma.s.sage?”
Gu Mingxi said a bit embarra.s.sed, “No need…”
“It’s fine. “Pang Qian had already pulled his right foot onto her thighs and started twisting his ankle and stretching his toes. She helped loosen the muscles in his calves and thighs by patting them. Gu Mingxi was a bit uncomfortable with it at first, but gradually his guard came down.
He was wearing a pair of knee-length shorts, his calves exposed. Around his right ankle, there was still the anklet that Pang Qian had gifted him, although the color had faded somewhat. His legs were already like those of a grown man, slender, fit, shapely, beautiful. His knees were pretty, and just like other grown men, his legs were covered in hair. Unlike others though, his legs were covered in a bunch of different-sized bruises, from all the bike accidents, tripping down the stairs, slipping on the ground…
A long time ago, Pang Qian had seen the scar on his right ankle, and at the time, she’d been greatly startled. When she asked where the scar was from, Gu Mingxi immediately spun a lie. “I tried to cut some fruit to eat once, and I accidentally cut myself.”
Pang Qian didn’t suspect that he was lying at all, since she rarely suspected his words. In some ways, she believed the things that Gu Mingxi said more than she believed her own father.
Her fingers grazed over the scar on his ankle. This was the way Gu Mingxi lived, relying entirely on his pair of legs to control his life.
Pang Qian looked down and used her fingers to press Gu Mingxi’s calf and turn his ankle and toes. Then she suddenly started to wonder, if it was her who had climbed up the transformer back then, if it was her who’d lost her two arms, what would things be like right now?
She lifted her head to look at him, and realized he’d fallen asleep. His head was tilted against the sofa, his legs resting on Pang Qian’s legs, eyes closed soundly asleep.
His right shoulder was against the back of the sofa, his sleeves folded in, outlining the shape of his shoulders. Pang Qian stared foolishly at him. Gu Mingxi had a handsome face, a healthy physique, a smart mind, but would forever have only this crippled body.
What is the meaning of forever?
Forever meant all the days left in your lifetime, all the hours, all the minutes and seconds. It meant without exception.
That was what Gu Mingxi’s forever meant.
In this moment, an idea suddenly floated into Pang Qian’s head.
That was, she wanted to keep staying with Gu Mingxi.
Pang Qian didn’t have any notion of love, responsibility, and marriage. As for “forever,” this was a romantic word.
She wasn’t sure what exactly it was between her and Gu Mingxi. It was all rather vague. She knew that they were very special to each other, that their relations.h.i.+p was one of a kind. But to call that love wasn’t something Pang Qian could agree with.
She felt that it should be a relations.h.i.+p that was more than family, friends.h.i.+p, or love.
Regardless, she thought that no matter what this relations.h.i.+p was, she wanted to continually stay with Gu Mingxi.
In the afternoon, the students from the advanced cla.s.s took the math and English exams, one after the other. They started at 1:30, and each exam was two hours long with a half hour break in between. When they finished, it would already be 6 PM.
Gu Mingxi didn’t want Pang Qian to wait that long, but she said it didn’t matter, that she wanted to go home with him.
While Gu Mingxi was taking his test, Pang Qian went to the nearby Xinhua bookstore. Sitting on the ground, with her back against the wall, she started to read leisurely.
When the clock at the bookstore read 5:30, Pang Qian headed back to the school. She went over to the empty school yard by herself and walked up the stands. With her chin in her hands, she stared off.
The weather was very hot and she was drenched in sweat. Occasionally, a breeze would come, carrying the warmth of the summer. Pang Qian turned her head towards the nearby academic building. The bell sounded, signalling the end of the exam. She sat still, waiting until that youth walked towards her with his bag on his back.
He walked up the stand with large strides, causing his empty s.h.i.+rtsleeves to flutter continuously.
Pang Qian wiped the sweat from her face and smiled as she asked, “How was the test?”
“Okay.” Gu Mingxi was also smiling. He sat down beside her and shrugged his backpack off. “Did you wait long? Was it hot?”
Pang Qian shook her head. “I went to the bookstore to read. I just got back.”
Gu Mingxi said, “When we go home, I’ll buy you a popsicle.”
“Gu Mingxi, you keep treating me like a child.” Pang Qian looked at him with some dissatisfaction. “I’ll be 17 years old next month.”
Gu Mingxi’s smile stretched wider as he said, “Who was it who wanted to buy the kid’s meal at KFC this afternoon so they could play with the toy?”
“So annoying!” She hit him playfully, using very little strength, acting quite coquettishly.
As the sun set in the west, the two of them sat shoulder to shoulder on the stands watching.
It was more than a week into summer break, and Pang Qian actually hadn’t left the house (until today). She’s nearly suffocated in there. Now, she didn’t want to go home. She said to Gu Mingxi, “Sit with me here awhile.”
He nodded without any objections.
A light breeze blew at their faces, blowing at the hair beside their ears. The sky in the west had been gorgeously stained red by the setting sun. She sat with her chin in her hands, thoughts flying all around inside her head.
She suddenly recalled a game Zheng Qiaoqiao had taught her. She leaned in close to Gu Mingxi’s ear and started blinking her eyes rapidly. Gu Mingxi was startled by her but didn’t duck away. Her long, curled eyelashes gently brushed the side of his ear. She asked, “Is it fun? Does it itch? Is it a comfortable feeling?”
Gu Mingxi lowered his head, held his breath for a long time, before letting out a, “Mm.”
“Ah? Really? Now use your eyelashes to scratch my ear!” Pang Qian straightened her body excitedly. She started thinking that with eyelashes as thick as his, this would be a fun game.
When she turned her head to look at him, she realized that the face of the silent youth beside her was completely red.
Gu Mingxi stood up, and said curtly, “Let’s go. The sun’s already setting.”
Pang Qian pouted at him, “You didn’t scratch me!”
He slipped off his shoes and used his toes to scratch her calf under her shorts. After he scratched a few strokes, he said, “Alright, I scratched you.”
Without waiting for her to jump up, he started hopping down the stands, a few steps at a time. As he ran, he yelled back, “Pang Pang, don’t forget to bring my backpack!”
“Gu Mingx, don’t you run away!” Pang Qian finally jumped up, grabbed his backpack, and chased after him.
She quickly caught up to him. She stood on her tiptoes and grabbed his ears with her hands. Gu Mingxi cried out, as if it really hurt, and Pang Qian immediately let go.
She grabbed onto his shoulders, the two of them laughing as the walked along the street. As they continued on, PAng Qian’s smile disappeared. She said softly, “Gu Mingxi, I’m lovelorn.”
Gu Mingxi stood tall and straight, his chin raised slightly towards the distance. The fire-red clouds mixed together with the setting sun, moving forward, changing unpredictably.
In the end, Gu Mingxi didn’t say anything.
