Part 2. Love Letter from That Year

59 | Two Kinds of Liking
I do like you, Gu Mingxi.

Gu Mingxi asked, “Pang Pang, you’re a girl. Since you think I’m so good, why don’t you like me?”

Hearing this question, Pang Qian’s immediate reaction was: Who says I don’t like you?

She was a girl, a girl whose thoughts weren’t sensitive enough, not delicate enough. But that didn’t mean she was a fool.

She’d suspected the kind of feelings Gu Mingxi had towards her. Countless people had asked her before whether Gu Mingxi liked her. When they were in junior high, everyone used to tease the two of them about being a pair. When they started high school, Zheng Qiaoqiao, who hadn’t known Gu Mingxi at the time, had asked Pang Qian what her relations.h.i.+p with Gu Mingxi was.

What was her relations.h.i.+p with Gu Mingxi?

They were neighbors, siblings, cla.s.smates, friends that had known each other since they were kids…

They could, without any pretenses, tell each other about the person they liked, the girl he liked and the boy she liked. They had shared and confided lots of secrets with each other.

Gu Mingxi was almost 18 years old. Standing in front of Pang Qian, a tall boy with a handsome face. His eyes were nice to look at, dark and deep, like they could look straight into your heart.

And Pang Qian was almost 17 years old. She wasn’t a girl who didn’t understand things anymore, but when faced with this question, she really didn’t know how to answer.

What did this mean? Was Gu Mingxi confessing to her? How could that be!

Pang Qian thought for a long while, organizing her thoughts. She spoke the truth. “I do like you, Gu Mingxi. It’s just not that kind of liking. You’re a really, really, really good person. My most important friend, my dearest older brother. But you know, I’ve liked Xie Yi for a long time. I’ve only told you, and I never intended to let him know. When you told me about the girl you liked, I didn’t tell anyone else either. Gu Mingxi, you like that girl, but I also think that you like me. It’s just that they’re two kinds of liking.”

Gu Mingxi looked at her for awhile. Pang Qian’s gaze was very serious, very tense. Gu Mingxi finally dropped his eyes and let out a laugh. He said, “Right, they’re not the same. I was just kidding with you. Who told you to rush to believe that.”

Pang Qian let out a relieved laugh. She pat her chest. “You nearly scared me to death. You’re not angry, right? What I did earlier was wrong. I won’t do that again.”

Gu Mingxi shook his head. He smiled, “Not angry. Let’s go home.”

He turned around and his glowing eyes immediately dimmed. A self-deprecating laugh escaped from his lips. After more than 10 years, in the end, he’d been handed the good person card, the brother card, the friend card.

Pang Qian and Gu Mingxi walked down the bleachers together. As they walked out the school gates, someone suddenly called them to a stop.

“Mingxi.”

Gu Mingxi and Pang Qian turned around. Gu Guoxiang stood beside his car, looking at the two of them.

It had already been several months since Gu Mingxi had seen his father. Since he moved back to the Golden Compound with Li Han, he hadn’t seen him again. Seeing him now, Gu Mingxi’s emotions were very complex.

Gu Guoxiang walked over in front of Gu Mingxi and looked him up and down. After feeling how thin his jacket was, he said, “These few days, the temperature in the morning in evening are a bit different. You’re not cold wearing this?”

“No,” Gu Mingxi answered quietly.

Gu Guoxiang glanced at Pang Qian. Neither of the kids had greeted him, and they eyes they looked at him with weren’t exactly friendly. He didn’t mind, and said, “Mingxi, do you have time? I want to have a meal with you. We haven’t talked in a long time.”

Pang Qian watched Gu Mingxi, unsure of how he would respond. Gu Mingxi thought for awhile, then said to Pang Qian, “Pang Pang, you should go home first. Let my mom know that I’m having dinner with my dad. After we eat, I’ll go home.”

Pang Qian nodded, “Okay.”

Without even a glance at Gu Guoxiang, she turned around and walked toward the bus stop.

Gu Guoxiang watched Pang Qian walk away, then looked back to his son. “Are you and Pang Qian dating?”

Really picked up the pot that wasn’t boiling (or touching a tender spot). Gu Mingxi’s face darkened as he responded stiffly, “No.”

Gu Guoxiang took Gu Mingxi’s backpack and helped him open the car door. “Get in. We’ll go find somewhere to sit.”

Pang Qian arrived home on her own. She knocked on the door to 502 and told Li Han what happened. Li Han looked indifferent the whole time, but then she said, “Okay. Thank you, Qian Qian.”

After relaying these words, Pang Qian went back to her own house. Her emotions were all over the place because of what had happened in the school field. She thought about Gu Mingxi’s question, again and again. In the end, she concluded that Gu Mingxi must have been joking.

How could he like her? No, no, no. He should like her. If he didn’t like her, then he wouldn’t treat her so well. But it should be the kind of liking between a brother and a sister. They grew up together. He always spoiled her, included her, accommodated her. No matter how Pang Qian treated him, he never got angry.

That’s not the kind of liking between lovers. Pang Qian thought of her feelings for Xie Yi. She pulled out her diary from junior high from the bookshelf. She flipped through the pages and found one of the entries she wrote.

She looked at her handwriting from back then, neat and childish. Then she looked at what she wrote. It was so stupid, she could strangle herself.

–I think that I like Xie Yi.

Sometimes he’s really cool, sometimes he’s really cute, just like Fus.h.i.+gi Yugi’s Tamahome. He’s our school’s most special and handsome boy. And his grades are really good, even better than Gu Mingxi’s. But he’s not at all like Gu Mingxi, who sits in his room all day to study. Xie Yi likes playing ping pong, football, and video games. He could also play the violin really well. It’s really strange. If he plays all day long, how are his grades still so good?

…

w.a.n.g Tingting told me that Qiu Lina liked Xie Yi. Zhao Lin also liked Xie Yi. Xia Lan and Zhang Wei also liked Xie Yi. I always see them around Xie Yi, talking with him. Every time I see that, my heart feels bad. I’m deskmates with Gu Mingxi, so I never get to talk to Xie Yi. The boys in our cla.s.s are so annoying, always pairing me together with Gu Mingxi. I wonder if Xie Yi also thinks that I like Gu Mingxi. Xie Yi, I obviously like you! Ay… I wonder what kind of girl you like. Would you like me?

She closed the notebook. Pang Qian’s face had turned all red. She plopped onto her bed and dug her head into her covers.

It had already been a long time since she’d written in a diary. The thoughts of a young teenage girl were written so plainly onto the pages of the diary for her to see. Looking at it now, her skin was covered with gooseb.u.mps. But this diary gave Pang Qian another thought. She recalled the love letter that Luo Xin gave to Gu Mingxi after school that day. Undoubtedly, it was a silly thing, but also a courageous thing. At the least, she let Gu Mingxi know that there was a Year 1 girl names Luo Xin who liked him.

Then that liking wouldn’t have all been for naught.

Pang Qian walked over to her full-length mirror and took a look at herself. She untied her ponytail and let her hair scatter across her shoulders. The girl in mirror was slim, with a youthful and clean face. Pang Qian held her cheeks and made some cute faces. She suddenly felt that she’d become prettier.

Over the years, there was never a shortage of girls who liked Xie Yi. There were often girls in different grades who would send gifts or letters to Xie Yi, but he’d never had a girlfriend.

He was well-liked by the boys and girls alike. Even when it came to rejecting a girl, he never made things awkward between them. All the girls on the ping pong team who’d been rejected by him still kept playing around with him happily.

An idea started to form in Pang Qian’s mind. She was already in Year 2, and there was only one more year before graduation. If her high school crush ended just like that, wouldn’t she regret it?

Gu Mingxi got back at 8 o’clock. He didn’t go back to his own house, but he knocked on Pang Qian’s door. He went to her room and then sat down on her bed.

“Gu Mingxi, what’s wrong?” Pang Qian saw that Gu Mingxi didn’t seem quite right. She sat down next to him and asked him worriedly.

Gu Mingxi lowered his head and didn’t say anything.

Pang Qian asked, “What did your dad say to you?”

“Pang Pang…” He slowly said. “Don’t ask me, okay? I just don’t want to go home. Let me stay here awhile.”

If he said it like that, of course Pang Qian wouldn’t keep asking. She just scooted closer to him, leaned in, reached out her arms and embraced him lightly.

His body shook slightly. In her embrace, he slowly settled down. He leaned onto her arms and closed his eyes.