49 | My Business or Not
We’ll get into the same university, like we said before.

Gu Mingxi lifted his head to see Pang Qian’s furious face. Not far behind her was Xie Yi, dragging along his bike. And Pang Qian’s bike had fallen to the floor.

It was obvious that she hadn’t even properly parked her bike before running over.

Gu Mingxi felt a sudden moment of panic that turned into irritation. He stood up and walked outside. Then he remembered that he hadn’t picked up his backpack, and he turned back.

But Pang Qian was quicker. She’d already picked up his bag and was holding it in her arms. She took a few steps back, a pair of eyes glaring at Gu Mingxi.

Gu Mingxi twitched his shoulders, and the short sleeves of his t-s.h.i.+rt swung back and forth. “Give me my backpack.”

“No!” Pang Qian looked at him, then glanced to Oyster and Pearl at the side. She was a bit scared, but her voice didn’t shrink. “What are you doing? Why didn’t you go home after school? The teacher gave a lot of homework today. Are you not going to do it? Gu Mingxi, you’re even smoking!”

“I…” Gu Mingxi wanted to say that he didn’t smoke, but then felt that explaining didn’t really have any point. Instead, he said, “My business has nothing to do with you.”

Pang Qian was stunned, her eyes quickly growing red. Everyone around them was watching, thinking that it was a lover’s tiff between two students. Xie Yi parked his bike and walked over. He looked at Pang Qian, then looked at Gu Mingxi. “Gu Mingxi, Crab’s been worried about you these days. What are you doing?”

Gu Mingxi looked coldly at Xie Yi, “I said, my business has nothing to do with you two.”

“Gu Mingxi,” Pang Qian called out. Gu Mingxi’s gaze fell to her face as she said, “Final exams are right around the corner.”

“So what?” Gu Mingxi’s expression was cold as ice, and Pang Qian felt it was very unfamiliar. “Every semester has final exams. What’s so interesting about that?”

Pang Qian said, “You know that these exams are going to determine how the split the cla.s.ses for next year. Each subject only has one fast cla.s.s. I want to do well on the science exams so that we can keep being deskmates, but if you continue on this way, you won’t make it into the fast cla.s.s!”

Gu Mingxi dropped his eyes, and after a long time, he said, “Fast cla.s.s or slow cla.s.s… I’m not at all interested in those kinds of things.”

Xie Yi looked at Gu Mingxi incredulously. Pang Qian’s eyes grew wet. She clutched tightly to Gu Mingxi’s bag, and in a trembling voice said, “Gu Mingxi, what’s wrong with you? Why did you suddenly stop studying? You don’t want to get into college anymore?”

“…”

“Tomorrow’s the physics unit test.” Pang Qian forced out a smile. “Gu Mingxi, get home earlier. It’s already late, and you still have to do your homework.”

Gu Mingxi stared at her and said, “I’ll decide whether I do my homework or if I’ll go home. You don’t have to worry.”

He’d never spoken to Pang Qian like this before. Pang Qian’s brows furrowed. She’d already endured this long enough.

She clenched her teeth and said, “Okay, you said it. Don’t regret it.”

When Pang Qian finished speaking, she carried Gu Mingxi’s backpack in her arms and ran over to her bike. She picked up the bike, stepped on, and tossed the backpack onto her back, her actions natural and smooth. Gu Mingxi and Xie Yi hadn’t yet reacted when Pang Qian already rode away swiftly on her bike.

Xie Yi hesitated a moment, then turned back to look at Gu Mingxi. Seeing his eyes full of worry, Xie Yi called out, “I’ll chase after her. Don’t worry, I’ll send her home.”

Gu Mingxi didn’t respond.

Xie Yi got onto his bike, then turned back to Gu Mingxi again. His (Xie Yi) eyes were clear and frank, without a trace of contempt or resentment, nor pity and sympathy.

They were very friendly eyes, which made a guilty feeling rise up in Gu Mingxi’s heart. When he faced Li Han, he never felt guilty. Right now though, a feeling of remorse was sprouting. But he didn’t feel that he’d done anything wrong either. Xie Yi was this kind of carefree person. He, Gu Mingxi, was now living life in accordance with his wishes. He didn’t want to go home, so he didn’t. He didn’t want to study, so he didn’t. He didn’t want to practice drawing, so he didn’t. Just go to the internet cafe. That was fun and joyous, such an unrestrained life.

So why did he feel such anguish about it?

Xie Yi already turned away and was riding his bike off. As Gu Mingxi watched his back, he thought, Xie Yi has to catch up to Pang Qian and send her home safely.

After all the shop patrons watched this scene wrap up, they returned to their chattering. Gu Mingxi didn’t have his backpack anymore. He wasn’t sure if he should stay or go. Clam showed up next to him and asked curiously, “Xiao Gu, was that girl your girlfriend?”

Pearl continued the questioning, “Xiao Gu, did you fight with your girlfriend? And who was that boy just then? He was really pretty.”

“Pretty, my a.s.s.” Hearing his girlfriend praising another boy, Oyster felt unhappy. “That guy looked like such a dandy, nowhere near as cool as our Xiao Gu.”

Clam chimed in. “I think Xiao Gu’s better looking too. And Xiao Gu’s girlfriend was pretty cute too.”

Unknown to them, Shark had stood up and walked up behind them. He gave Clam and Oyster a knock on the back of their heads, “You guys are free? Don’t have to grill anything? Am I paying you two to sit here and talk?!”

Oyster and Clam walked dejectedly back to the grill. Then Shark also rapped the back of Gu Mingxi’s head. With a “pa” sound, Gu Mingxi’s whole face wrinkled. That was the first time Shark had ever hit him. He grabbed the back of Gu Mingxi’s s.h.i.+rt collar and said, “Kid, come take a walk with me. There’s something I need to ask you about.”

Shark was from this area. He lived with his mother in a nearby, small, self-constructed three-story building. He and his mother lived on the third floor, and he gave the second floor to Clam and Oyster.

There was no one at the house at night, so Shark pulled Gu Mingxi by the collar over and pushed him inside. Then he knocked him on the head again. Shark was very strong to Gu Mingxi was nearly knocked over. After staggering a few steps, he finally found his balance again.

He turned to look at Shark, eyes carrying a wronged look. Shark turned on the light and closed the door firmly. He glared at Gu Mingxi and shouted strictly, “Sit down!”

Gu Mingxi didn’t resist, and sat down in the chair.

Shark pulled another chair over and sat down in front of Gu Mingxi. He said, “I saw what just happened, but I intentionally didn’t make an entrance. Explain to me what’s going on.”

“…” Gu Mingxi lowered his head. He was wearing flip flops, and his toes clenched together habitually. He wasn’t sure how to respond to Shark. If he started from the beginning, that would take more than an hour.

Shark seemed to understand what he was thinking. He lit a cigarette and said, “What I have today is time. If you don’t explain things clearly, I’m not letting you go.”

Gu Mingxi lifted his head to look at him, and suddenly asked, “Shark, if, and I’m saying if, you didn’t know me, would you let someone like me work in your barbecue shop?”

“Doing what kind of work? Skewering meat, grilling chicken wings? You’re kidding me!”

Shark snickered. “Kid, don’t think that I don’t know what you’re thinking. I’ve eaten more salt than you’ve eaten rice (he’s experienced much more). You lost your arms do you think you’re pretty bad off, right? Let me tell you, I had a good friend that I grew up with. When he was 19, he was killed because of a gang fight.”

He pointed outside. “Right there, by the third alley. He had started college that year. In our group of kids who grew up together, he was the only one to make it into college. I don’t know how that gang fight started either, but in any case, out of nowhere, he died. Do you know what it means to die? It means you’re gone, that there’s nothing left! It’s been nearly ten years now. Every year at Qingming (also known as “tomb sweeping day”), I burn a cigarette and pour some wine for him. Kid, you know, when I see you, I think of him. My friend was very handsome, he was smart, but now he’s gone. Right now, I really feel that you only get one lifetime. Your life is the most important thing. As long as you’re alive, anything can go. Whether you’re living well or poorly, that depends on your own abilities. You’re still in school now. Even if you don’t have arms, I can tell from your clothes that your family is well off enough. Were you thinking from your toes or your a.s.s when you thought about coming to work here? Is this your dream? Is this all you can hope for? Are you comparing yourself to those brats, Clam and Oyster? Don’t you ever say that kind of c.r.a.p to me, like ‘I can’t even grill food, so what else can I do?’ f.u.c.k all that! All this talk is making my mouth dry.”

Shark went to the kitchen to get a bottle of chilled beer and a can of cola. He used his teeth to open his beer and pulled out a bag of straws from a box. He put a straw into the can of cola and placed it in front of Gu Mingxi.

Shark gulped down half his bottle of beer, and after belching, he said, “Kid, you better get this straight. If you don’t study, then there really is nothing you can do. If you were to grill food, the customers would all complain that your feet are smelly. But if you study and do well in school, you can sit in an office. You can use a computer, call people, speak in English. You’ll have a.s.sistants to help you. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“I understand, but…” Gu Mingxi looked to his empty sleeves. “But I feel like, even if I do well in school, that doesn’t mean I’ll be able to get a good job.”

“You haven’t tried, so how can you know?”

“Shark.” Gu Mingxi let out a sigh. “Have I never told you about my situation?”

“Nope. I said I have time today. Come on then, talk.”

Gu Mingxi took a deep breath, then told Shark about his family situation, including his father’s affair, his parents’ quarrel, the shame his father feels about him, and his deep wish to be able to have another, healthy child.

He even spoke about Pang Qian. Shark recalled the girl he saw, hair tied up in a ponytail, with a tender face. When she stared at Gu Mingxi and then started crying, before she held back her tears.

Gu Mingxi spoke for a long time, his tone very even. When he finished, he looked to Shark and said, “Shark, I never used to feel that I was a disgrace. Although my dad  always thought that I was an embarra.s.sment to him, I never felt that way. But now, I keep feeling, more and more… That I’m not really like you guys. Even if I study well, it can’t change the way people look at me. So I feel like studying has no point. I feel like, even if I get into a good college later, it won’t do anything.”

Then he went silent, and Shark didn’t speak up either.

The two of them sat there like that for a few minutes. Then Shark said, “You only just now realized that you’re different? You just realized that you’re missing two arms? Now that you know, that’s more reason for you to figure how to deal with it! Otherwise, you’re just going to live poorly? Kid, if you don’t grasp at all the chances now, don’t even mention getting into college, you won’t even be able to sell watermelons later! And that girlfriend of yours is going to run off with that pretty boy!”

Gu Mingxi’s face immediately blushed. “She’s not my girlfriend.”

“Do you dare say that you don’t like her?”

“But she doesn’t like me!”

“Kid, ey…” Shark let out a sigh, then pat Gu Mingxi’s shoulder. “Let’s go. I’ll send you home. You can think about it on your own. I’m not saying that you can’t come back to hang out at my place. When it’s summer, come all you want. But before the final exams this month, I don’t want to see you again.”

Gu Mingxi went home without his bag. Li Han asked, “Where’s your backpack?”

Gu Mingxi said, “I finished my homework at school, so I didn’t bring it back.”

Half an hour later, he went to the living room and secretly called Pang Qian. Pang Shuisheng answered the phone and Gu Mingxi said, “Uncle, can Pang Qian come to the phone?”

Pang Shuisheng called her, and finally responded with, “The girl’s gone crazy. She won’t answer the phone.”

Gu Mingxi said, “Oh, then it’s okay. It’s nothing. I’ll talk to her tomorrow at school.”

The next day, Gu Mingxi arrived to school without anything. When he walked into the cla.s.sroom, he saw Pang Qian sitting at her desk reading English.

Gu Mingxi walked over to her and sat down. His desk was empty, his drawer was also empty. He bent over to search. He even checked the trashcan in the back of the room. When he walked back, he said in a low voice, “Pang Pang.”

Pang Qian turned her head, ignoring him.

Gu Mingxi asked, “Where’s my backpack?”

“…”

“Pang Pang…”

“Didn’t you say that your business has nothing to do with me? Why are you asking me about your backpack?” Pang Qian rolled her eyes, “Your backpack’s already gone.”

Gu Mingxi’s eyes opened wide. “Gone?”

“It’s gone.” Pang Qian lifted her chin and looked to him. “Didn’t you want to stop studying? What do you need a backpack for?! Go back to your barbecue shop and smoke. Go back and play with that girl!”

“I didn’t smoke,” Gu Mingxi said. “I wasn’t playing with any girls.”

“Don’t act like I didn’t see it!” Pang Qian clenched her teeth. “I saw you laughing and talking with that girl. She held the cigarette for you to smoke.”

“I really didn’t smoke, not even one,” Gu Mingxi explained. “Pang Pang, I know you didn’t get rid of my backpack. Where is it?”

“I got rid of it.”

“…” Gu Mingxi moved to his last resort. “Then I’ll go. I don’t have a backpack, so what’s the point of going to cla.s.s.”

He really stood up to leave. Pang Qian got anxious and grabbed onto the back of his clothes, pulling Gu Mingxi back.

Gu Mingxi sat back down and looked at her, not saying anything.

Pang Qian said, “Promise me that you’ll go to cla.s.s properly.”

He looked into her eyes and nodded his head.

“You’ll study and do well on your exams.”

“Mm.”

“We’ll get into the same university, like we said before.”

His heart jumped, then he nodded again.

“You can’t smoke again.”

Gu Mingxi heaved a sigh. “I really didn’t smoke.”

Pang Qian scoffed at him. “Who would believe that? Don’t you know how heavy the smoke smell on your clothes is? So stinky!”