Can’t Help It
Oh… So you listen to Warm Harbor too!

Gu Mingxi went to the bathroom and looked around. He checked the small cabinet where they kept the toilet paper, but he couldn’t find his mom’s sanitary napkins.

Li Han payed a lot of attention to this. She kept her lady products put away well, and she would never walk around exposed in front of her son. Gu Mingxi couldn’t find anything and returned to look at Pang Qian sitting on the floor like a statue. “That… We don’t have any in the house, I can’t find it. Why don’t you go back to your house…”

Pang Qian’s eyes were red. She shook her head and said pitifully, “I don’t want to stand up.”

“…” Gu Mingxi felt very awkward. “So then what? Should I go to your house?”

“Oh, that’s right! There are some in my house!” Pang Qian pulled out her house keys and gave them to him. “In the cabinet in the bathroom.”

Gu Mingxi grabbed the keys with his mouth and went out the door. He went inside Pang Qian’s house and headed straight to their bathroom. He opened the cabinet door with his heel and really saw a several unopened packs of sanitary napkins.

Gu Mingxi had never examined these things. At most, he’d seen some TV commercials about it. He wasn’t sure which to take. After thinking for a moment, he bit onto a bag that had five pink packs inside, and started heading home.

He didn’t expect that, as he was locking Pang Qian’s front door, Zhong Xiaolian would come walking down the stairs. Seeing Gu Mingxi’s foot holding the keys to Pang Qian’s house in front of the door, he couldn’t help smiling, “Oh! Mingxi, you even have the keys to your wife’s house?”

Gu Mingxi was originally a bit nervous, but in that moment, he jumped slightly in fright. He wasn’t biting on tightly, so the package of sanitary napkins slipped from his mouth onto the floor.

He turned his head and faced Zhong Xiaolian. She walked over and helped him pick up the package and put it into the pockets of his shorts.

“That came for Pang Qian?” she asked.

Gu Mingxi nodded as his face reddened. “She’s at my house, so I’m helping her to get it.” After a pause, he said, “Auntie Zhong, don’t tell my parents, okay?”

Zhong Xiaolian was known as a gossip. Once she knew something, it would circulate around the whole compound. Gu Mingxi was very worried because Gu Guoxiang had told him that after Pang Qian finished eating, he was to tell her to go home. They weren’t to go into the grownup’s bedroom to watch TV or play games.

In contrast, Li Han wasn’t so severe towards the kids. She’d always secretly allow them to play. After all, Gu Guoxiang was very busy with work, so he’d leave early and come home late. And after he came home, he wouldn’t want to leave his room.

But it was 2 in the afternoon right now. Gu Mingxi knew that his dad was very smart. If he knew that Pang Qian was still at their house at that time, he’d definitely be able to guess that they were watching TV in the bedroom.

After hearing Gu Mingix’s words, Zhong Xiaolian smiled, “I don’t talk that much. What’s there to talk about with this? Hurry and go back.”

Gu Mingxi felt slightly more at ease. He lifted his foot to open his own house door and was about to walk in when Zhong Xiaolian called to him, “Oh that’s right, Mingxi. Remember to tell your wife not to eat cold or spicy things. And don’t use cold water. Now she’s growing up. You have to make sure you take care of her.”

Gu Mingxi’s face was so hot you could cook pancakes on it. He said, “Auntie Zhong, goodbye,” and quickly walked inside.”
—

Pang Qian was in Gu Mingxi’s family’s bathroom using her first sanitary napkin in he life, her thoughts all in a mess.

She’d imagined the situation of her first period numerous times. Maybe it would be like w.a.n.g Tingting’s, coming quietly when she was home by herself. Maybe it would be like Sun Mingfang’s, coming a little when she went to the bathroom at school, and then having to put on a facade of calmness and buy a sanitary napkin from the school store. Not knowing why or how, she’d suddenly grown up. Or the worst was Zhang Wei. Zhang Wei said that her first period came in fifth grade, when she was attending the school’s spring outing. She’d scared a group of boys there. She also thought that she’d gotten some kind of illness, and sat in the park, crying out loud.

After hearing those stories, Pang Qian even laughed out in amus.e.m.e.nt. But right now, she couldn’t smile at all. She rejoiced that she wasn’t at school, meeting with this kind of awkward thing with other students around. But then she also lamented that she’d made a scene of herself in front of Gu Mingxi.

Still, she was reliever.

Gu Mingxi, thank goodness it was Gu Mingxi.

Her light colored pants were thin, the red liquid seeping out a bit. Although it wasn’t very obvious, she still wanted to hurry home to change her pants.

Before leaving, she went to say to Gu Mingxi’s parents’ room to say goodbye to him. The boy had his head down as he was cleaning up the floor. His ice cream had already melted, leaving a puddle of white. Pang Qian’s ice cream had also dripped on the floor. And there was also a slight red mark there.

Pang Qian was very embarra.s.sed. Gu Mingxi was standing on the ground, left foot planted on the floor, right foot pressed down on a rag, continuously wiping. After the cloth was soaked, he wanted to wring it out. He could only lift the toes of his right foot up and carry the rag partly on the top of his foot as he walked slowly to the bathroom.

Pang Qian felt somewhat impolite and wanted to help him. She bent over to grab the rag from his foot, “Let me help you clean it.”

Gu Mingxi quickly recalled Zhong Xiaolian’s words and pulled his foot back. In a very serious manner, he said, “No, you can’t touch cold water. Hurry and go home. Also, these couple of days, don’t eat cold foods like popsicles, fruit, and cold drinks. Oh, also you can’t eat spicy foods.”

Pang Qian twister her lips and looked at him. “Gu Mingxi, you even know about these things?”

Gu Mingxi’s face reddened again, then explained, “I heard Teacher Jia say it, okay?!”

Pang Qian suddenly realized, “Oh… So you listen to Warm Harbor too!”

Gu Mingxi, “…”

Pang Qian covered her bottom and left shyly. After she left, Gu Mingxi made several trips back and forth between the master bedroom and the bathroom, and then finally finished cleaning the floor. Then he thought of the disk in the VCD player.

He lifted his big toed to the eject b.u.t.ton. After a long time, his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down a few times, and he put his foot down.

Gu Mingxi closed the curtains in the room and plugged the TV cord back into the outlet. He sat on the floor and thought for awhile, and then he carefully pressed the play b.u.t.ton on the VCD player.

Soon, the image that left people restless appeared.

Gu Mingxi lowered the volume on the TV but didn’t want to mute it. In the quiet room, the moans of the man and woman were suppressed but clear. Gu Mingxi sat in front of the TV, very close to the screen. His neck was turned up, completely absorbed.

He also listened for any noises at the door, for fear that his parents would suddenly come home. His right foot hovered over the TV’s power b.u.t.ton, ready to turn it off at any time.

Gu Mingxi knew that he shouldn’t be watching, but he was also very curious.

Origin of Flight wasn’t a particularly good school. Each year, there would only be one or two fast cla.s.ses, where the teachers would focus on preparing the kids for the high school and college entrance exams. The other slow cla.s.ses were more like herding sheep. The adolescent boys and girls were very energetic, rebellious, and not the brightest. So during the flag raising ceremony each Monday, there would always be an announcement about a group of students’ punishments.

Junior high, Year 2’s so and so spread around a p.o.r.nographic disc to the cla.s.s – punishment. High school, Year 1’s whoever was being lewd with some other person or their cla.s.smates and blackmailing the junior high girls – expulsion. High school, Year 2’s so and so, along with so and so, were having relations on the school grounds during evening cla.s.ses. Male is expelled, female is punished…

Sometimes, Gu Mingxi would feel that he and those students who got punished were from two different worlds. The students in his cla.s.s were all pretty upright. Although some people would tease about someone liking someone else, everyone would join in. After a year, still no couples appeared in the cla.s.sroom. But outside of their cla.s.sroom, there were actually so many stories happening?

Gu Mingxi knew about those mysterious “small films” from Hong Kong and j.a.pan, but he’d never seen them. When he talked to Jian Zhe, Liu Hanlin and other cla.s.smates, they mostly talked about ball games, cartoons, popular music, and test questions. If there was anything that had to do with “s.e.x,” at most, it was the boys secretly talking about who the prettiest girls in the cla.s.s and grade were.

Junior high, Year 1, Cla.s.s 6’s prettiest girl was Zhao Jing, the recognized cla.s.s flower (prettiest girl), with large eyes, double eyelids, white skin, and cherry red lips. Liu Hanlin said he liked her. Jian Zhe said that, although she was very pretty, he thought Qiu Lina was cuter. Liu Hanlin joked with him that Qiu Lina obviously liked Xie Yi, that everyone said they were a pair, and he (Jian Zhe) didn’t have a chance. Jian Zhe felt a bit depressed so he changed the question and asked Gu Mingxi who he thought was the prettiest girl in their cla.s.s.

Gu Mingxi couldn’t answer. Really, he couldn’t.

He felt that his mom was very beautiful, gentle and demure, with graceful facial features. Li Han had also told him that when she was younger, there were a lot of people in the factory that pursued her. In the end, her eyes were set on the then unknown Gu Guoxiang.

Gu Mingxi sat in the corner of the last row of the cla.s.sroom, so he could see everyone. When he was bored, he would quietly observe them. During cla.s.s, he could clearly see who was dozing off, who was reading comics under their desk, who was pa.s.sing notes, who was posting a note on someone as a prank. After cla.s.s, he could see who talked or joked with who, who was drinking milk, who had linked arms with who to go to the bathroom, who was pa.s.sing out notebooks…

Of course, the person he looked at the most was Pang Qian.

Pang Qian, who sat in the opposite corner of the cla.s.sroom.

Pang Qian was laughing, she was causing trouble, she was exchanging comics with Sun Mingfang, she was erasing the blackboard, she was secretly snacking, she was laying on her desk sleeping… Sometimes, Pang Qian would turn around and talk to Xie Yi, her eyes clear and bright, her smile especially brilliant. Pang Qian never acted fiercely toward Xie Yi. Regarding that one point, Gu Mingxi was a bit unsatisfied.

Was Pang Qian good looking?

Don’t know.

Gu Mingxi had never asked anyone, so he didn’t know what she looked like to others. All he knew was that in his heart, Pang Qian was fresh, real, and three dimensional. He’d witnessed her grow up from the day she was born. Every expression and smile, he understood them. Every sentence she spoke, he understood her true meaning.

Gu Mingxi really wanted to answer Jian Zhe that the girl he liked looking at the most was Pang Qian.

But he didn’t say that, because he didn’t think it was necessary. So he just went with the flow and said, “Of course, the best looking is Zhao Jing.”

Then, on their way home after school, Pang Qian asked him unhappily, “Gu Mingxi, they said you like Zhao Jing? Are you kidding?! She’s so fake, the way she talks is so whiny. Do you really like her?”

…

The youth sitting in front of the TV was sweating profusely. His thoughts were chaotic as he gasped slightly. His beating heart could shake his eardrum, clear and powerful.

Ba b.u.mp, ba b.u.mp, ba b.u.mp…

He felt his lower body changing, his body felt very excited. But in his heart, he felt a deep sense of shame and also despair. Gu Mingxi felt that he was turning bad. Really. How could he be so bad! Just like those students at school who got punished. How could he secretly watch this kind of film. He clearly knew that he should control himself!

But he couldn’t control himself! He was very afraid, but also very curious. He felt remorse and guilt, but he couldn’t help it.

In the end, he couldn’t handle it. He turned off the TV, ran to his room and into his bed.

He couldn’t be bothered to turn on the fan, the room was sweltering hot. On top of his bed was a straw mat, rough and hard. But he couldn’t wait anymore and he didn’t care.

His shoulder, missing an arm, pushed forcefully onto the bed, his swelling lower body rubbing continuously against the mat. It hurt but was also stimulating. That bone biting feeling was overwhelming, so he couldn’t help groaning out loud, his s.h.i.+rt nearly soaked in sweat. He closed his eyes and he couldn’t stop from thinking of the scene he’d just watched on the TV.

Gu Mingxi was 14 years old, and this was the first time he’d done this sort of thing. He didn’t have hands, so he could only do it in this unsightly way. As he continued on, he felt ashamed, but he also couldn’t stop. He could only tell himself that he’d only do this once, just this once! In the future, he’d never do it again!

In the midst of his daydreams, his tolerance hit its peak. The fire in his belly finally found its way out and spewed out from the exit. Gu Mingxi lied stiffly in his bed. He felt the indescribable throbbing on his tender body.

The moment he exploded, he opened his eyes. It seemed as if there was a playful girl’s figure in front of him.

He gasped loudly, unable to move, as if his body had died. There was a sticky liquid in his pants. His body was covered in sweat. With the tiniest voice from the bottom of his throat, he called.

“Pang Pang…”