Chapter 19 – The G.o.ddess’ Thesis
Part C

Translator: E R O S
Editor:
Donor:

I am currently walking inside the cavern that leads to the dragon’s nest. As expected there are no monsters attacking me inside the cavern. Rather than that, the two Sword Lizards that I tamed before is waiting for me midway inside the cavern like a servant greeting their master who just get back home. They even bow their head after finding my figure…… their intelligence seems to be unexpectedly high.

When I enters Yuisia’s nest, I found Yuisia in her dragon form that is looking after the laying down Riona who still have a pair of wings growing from her back.

She seems to detect my presence as she slowly opens her eyes. And then she rises up her body and look at the wings that is growing in her back…… even after looking at the unusualness in her body, she still firmly hold out her smile.

Even though her expression shows that she is about to cry anytime now.

“Hiro-chan…… I got wings growing in my back. I can’t go back to where everyone is now that I have these right……?”
“…… There’s no such thing as that. Let’s be together from now on forever okay. With your mommy, and daddy……”
“No…… I can’t. After all, I am not mommy and daddy real daughter after all……”
“Wha……!?”

Until now, she never shows any sign of it. ---- but I think that is just me belittling her too much. No matter how she is still a kid like that, there’s no way she doesn’t realize the thing that is happening to her own body. Even in case for Sarasa-san, no matter how much she tries to hide it, by living together under one roof, Riona should have many chances to have a glimpse on her ears.

“Daddy is only someone who saved mommy a long time ago…… and my mommy is someone who saved me. She picked me up when I was thrown away in front of the church. And then…… she always…… until now……”
“……Riona…… So, you know everything……?”

She knows that her parents are not her true parents. And even when she is aware with that fact, she still acts like any other innocent child, I just can’t imagine how she feel all this time.

She always follows me from behind anywhere while calling me Hiro-chan, Hiro-chan. She usually seems simple minded and would show her spoiled side from times to times…… Her cheerfulness is just too bright to my eyes.

She is just look to similar to Hina from my previous live. Once, I heard that the meaning of Hina’s name is also a form of prayer that wishes for her to grow up into a bright cheerful girl like the sun.

---- But it is not like that in reality. Riona is…… just trying her hardest to look cheerful.

Like trying to hide the tears that are welling up in her eyes, she turns her back at me. But even so, I can still see that her trembling small back.

“I am not their real daughter so I can’t forever stay with them right……? Moreover having these wings growing from my back like this…… I definitely can’t go back to where my mommy is……”
“There’s no such thing as that…… If Riona doesn’t come back then your mother will definitely feel lonely. That’s why, let’s go back together. If it is about those wings then let me do something about it……!”

When Rion

a turns her face back at me again, she already couldn’t hold her tears back as it is already spilling nonstop in her cheek.

She just could keep up her smile any longer. There’s just no way she can keep her smile now.

“How can I do that?…… Mommy will be troubled so I won’t go back. Because I…… I am a monster after all……”
“You are not a monster…… Aren’t you still having a human’s heart? And your appearance also doesn’t differ much with a human. If you are not a human then what are you?”

I hug Riona tightly, rubs her back, and talk to her in the kindest tone that I could. If I can’t persuade her now, she would never return back home…… and I definitely won’t allow that.

“Hiro-chan…… Please stop…… If you are together with me, Hiro-chan would only get more trouble……”

[Trouble]. It is a word that the usual Riona would definitely never use.

I always thought that she is looks a bit foolish usually but she is actually keeping many things inside. And now, all the thing that she kept inside is spilling out unable to stop.

“…… Riona. We are actually…… already know each other before we are born to this world. If I said that would you believe me……?”

Yuisia who is watching us from the sideline gives a small groan hearing what I said. It is not strange for her to react like that because after all, what I said just now is only……

Is only a what IF story I imagined myself.

But I don’t know that my what IF scenario actually hits home.

---- Because Riona is the one who knows the fact.

“…… I won’t laugh”

Even while having her voice trembles from her despair, she still give me a certain reply.

“Even if other people laugh at you, I will definitely not. I will certainly not laugh. After all…… I……”

---- I knew you Hiro-chan. Because I was Hina.

That is Riona reply. With her answer, I already have a definite proof but still, somewhere inside me, I somehow just can’t accept the truth.

“…… Is it you…… Hina……?”

I can’t believe it. Well, how could I? But if Riona knows the name [Hina] then…… If I don’t say that name then it might never again appear in this world but I just have to affirm it. After all, I never said anything about my previous live before.

“I thought I save you at that day…… but why are you here…… why……?!”

Did I actually fail saving her? Did Hina also lose her life together with me at that accident……?

I can’t help but crash my anxiety and helplessness directly to Riona. I know that getting angry at the person that I want to rescue is just barking at the wrong tree but I just can’t help myself.

I can live on happily without any regret of my previous life because I thought I managed saving Hina in the last moment of my life. No, I can make myself accept everything with that.

But if I actually failed in saving her…… then doesn’t that mean that I actually died a useless death without being able to do anything at all in my previous life?

I know that having a meaningful death isn’t everything. But even so, even when I know that wanting a meaningful death is just my own pride getting the better of myself, I could still feel the foundation under my feet crumbles apart after knowing my death was meaningless. I am losing the thing that is supporting me.

---- I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for my failure in protecting you.

I want to apologize but the word just won’t come out. Even when I think that I must ask for her forgiveness no matter what, I still can’t. And then, the words that come out from my mouth are something entirely different.

“…… You always…… tell me to come to school… Yet I always ignore you……”
“…… No, it was my fault for pus.h.i.+ng you too much. The one at fault should be me”

How can you still say something like that? You are definitely not in the wrong so why you always blame yourself?

At least in this world, even if you are the reincarnated body of the Demon Lord, you are innocent……

“Hiro-chan did nothing wrong…… But because the teacher was siding with that kid who Hiro-chan fought with, it is understandable why Hiro-chan doesn’t want to go to school anymore”

Ah yeah, there was something like that. The beginning was actually just something trivial.

But because of that, I start to hate school and I lost my place there. And then I started thinking that I would do just fine even without going to school.

And then I just become a shut in. I never think about how Hina feels when she looks at the shut in me. She must’ve suffered each time she saw me but I could never realize it as I never tried to look straight at reality.

And for the disappointment which is me, not being chosen as her boyfriend is just natural.

I know it was natural but I still couldn’t help feeling jealous all the same. I feel jealous at that guy who walks under the light in contrast of myself and managed to get Hina for himself.

“…… Why are you here?…… Did you…… also died together with me at that time……?”

In this moment, I forgot my current self as a child and return back on being Morioka Hiroto instead.

And then Riona who also supposed to be a child, return back on being Miyamura Hina.

Her crying face is just the exact same as back then when she was crying as a child.

“It’s not that…… Hiro-chan was…… It was only Hiro-chan…… that rescues me……”

And then died in her place. Thank G.o.d. So it was really only me……

“Then why…… why did you reincarnated as [Riona] here in this world? If you have lived, such thing is……”

Impossible. If I managed to rescue Hina then how could she reincarnates here?

But Hina who reincarnated as Riona is standing right in front of me. And if that is an undeniable truth by itself then……

Hina reincarnates to this world by her own free will. That is the only conclusion I have left.

But why would she throw away that world which was supposed to be a bright place to her?

---- No. That world was a bright world for her?

That might be just me selfishly judged her one-sidedly. That might be just me accusing her wrongly.

“…… After the wake for Hiro-chan funeral, I beg Hiro-chan’s mother to let me enter Hiro-chan’s room. The game that Hiro-chan played…… if I’m not wrong, the t.i.tle is Eternal Magia right?”
“Did you…… go into my room…… Hina……?”

Riona give me a nod to answer my question.

And then she continues telling her story which I made myself believe as [definitely impossible] step by step.

“I then tried playing that game. After I played it for some while, I somehow lose consciousness…… then I meet the one that is called The G.o.ddess. And she told me that Hiro-chan is indeed died but he has been reincarnated in a different world…… So that’s why……”
“…… You also wished to follow me and reincarnate into this world, right? Why? Aren’t you still alive?…… Didn’t I save you at that time? So why……!?”

Aren’t you someone who is admired by the other? Aren’t you the center of your cla.s.s? Aren’t your test’s scores are always on the higher mark? The Hina that I know is that kind of popular being that is set on the path of success. (Eros: yea right, good grades = happy?)

Aren’t she should be the one who are blessed and happy? She should not waste her time with someone like me, keep bathing in the spotlight, spend her time in a dazzling brilliance, and become a successful adult just like that. She could’ve accomplished that.

And then she eventually would forget all about me, forget about all our childhood memories.

I have resolved myself to accept that future. Or rather that accepting, I know it was more like surrendering myself.

“…… Because I want… to apologizes to Hiro-chan. I’m sorry for being stubborn……”
“…… Stubborn?…… just what kind?……”

Riona’s small hand slowly moves to touch her own hair.
The place that she touches is the place where Hina usually wears the barrette that I gave her as a present before.

“Even if you said that it doesn’t match well with me, I always wanted to wear it you know? That barrette was a precious present from Hiro-chan after all”
“…… Stupid. Why are you…… so fixated at me like that? There is no need for you to care about me don’t you?…… Why you keep caring for such a loser like that……?!”

She should be angry at me, gives up on me, and then forget me for good. If she does so then Hina doesn’t have to experience this kind of suffering.

The G.o.ddess made the reincarnated Hina into an incarnation of the Demon Lord…… And by doing that, she should’ve known that Hina’s life ahead will be filled with suffering.

Did she do it with bad intent toward Hina? Or for The G.o.ddess, this much of suffering is just in the level of a prank?

If that so, then it is just the same as The G.o.ddess tricking Hina into this. This is just too sad for Hina……

“How can you be a loser? Didn’t Hiro-chan the one who always protect me when we are still a kid?…… And your disposition doesn’t even change now doesn’t it? After all, coming back here to save me is already proving it. Hiro-chan never changes much from that time. And I also, always… always…………”

The last part of her words is blurred by her crying voice and I can’t quite hear it right.

But anyway, how can you have that much confidence in me like that? After all I was the one who easily giving up on you first?

Even if someone else take you away, if I lied to myself and gives my blessing to you, I can break free from the wretched feeling with ease. My past self was just someone who always thinks of useless thing such as protecting his own worthless pride and won’t even give you a thought!

“…… I was the one…… who begs The G.o.ddess to…… reincarnate close by to you, Hiro-chan…… And she tells me that…… hic…… I can do it for you but…… you might experience some misfortune along the way…… that was what she said……”
“And you are fine with such conditions?...... Why?...... Why did you go through all this…… even if you know that you will face misfortunes? You even throw up all the things that you have in the previous world just for this…… Is there a meaning in it!? ……”

The feeling that has been bottled up for long, once spilled out, would be impossible to hold back again. Even when I don’t have the right to get mad at Hina, I just snap.

If just Hina doesn’t try playing Eternal Magia, then she won’t be reincarnated here…… I can’t help but thinking of a ‘what if’ scenario to escape reality.

“…… If I just…… don’t play that game…… then you won’t……”
“No…… that’s wrong. Hiro-chan, doesn’t you always said that the game is much better than reality? Because of that, I also created my own character and played the game for a bit. I had so much fun you know?”
“…… Why, would you go that far…… Aren’t your relations.h.i.+p with ‘him’ all happy and harmonious?......”

That ‘him’ is my other childhood friend. And that guy is supposed to be dating Hina…… And yet, why does it seems that Hina choose to reincarnate in this world without any hesitation?

“Did you, mistakenly pushed the wrong b.u.t.ton…… and not knowing that you would end up reincarnating for real in this world?...... that’s how it was right?......”
“How could I?...... I properly choose it with my own free will. I tell The G.o.ddess my wish, then decided to reincarnate here”

Riona has already stopped crying. From her reddish-rabbit-like eyes that got swollen from crying, a tinge of bashfulness could be seen. But even so, she still firmly continues speaking.

“Because I want to go, to where Hiro-chan is”
“…… Why, would you……”
“Because I want to tell Hiro-chan the truth. I am really not dating Kyou-chan. I refuse him because I know that there is someone even more worthy for him rather than me…… And yet, I couldn’t tell you the truth back then……”

Just to tell me that, she chooses to reincarnate here?
Are you stupid? No, an Idiot?...... and that is to a such extreme degree.

“…… You are really stupid. Even if ‘he’ is not a good one for you, you might find another that is even better right?…… Why did you trouble yourself with coming to such place?……”
“Don’t say such place like that. Isn’t this the world that Hiro-chan liked very much even in the previous live? This place is indeed an amazing place…… And you know, I also always liked magic!”

Her speech style has turned from the 4 years old Riona into the 16 years old Hina. If anyone else heard it, they will definitely be surprised by the sudden change…… Listening to her once again made me realize again that she is indeed Hina.

Even for me, no matter how much I tried to be careful, I would still return back to my habit sometimes. In Hina’s case, her style of speech doesn’t even give me any out of place feeling…… When I think about it again, did she just acting along to see my reaction, or did she really……

“…… Did you always retain your past memories from the time you were born?”
“No…… When I see Hiro-chan is about to turn into stone, the image of the time when I witnessed Hiro-chan get run over by that truck suddenly appears inside my head…… and because of that, I finally remember that I was Hina”
“Is that so?...... That explains it all then. But……”

When Riona was still a baby, the first word that she said is my name…… Is that because, even if she forgets all the other things, she still manages to remember my pet name?

“…… Then it looks like I don’t have the right to call you stupid. I am the one dumber by many fold after all”
“Things just went a bit haywire for you in the previous life so it can’t be helped. But the Hiro-chan living in this world is very energetic and lively…… and I think you look wonderful like that. The Hiro-chan now is the most vigorous from the all Hiro-chan that I know in both worlds”
“W-wonderful?...... It was because I received a lot of bonus……”
“That’s not all you know? I know that Hiro-chan has been practicing many things that children don’t usually do right? I always want to play with Hiro-chan and I can’t help myself so I always look at you a lot, you know. Hiro-chan’s perseverance is really amazing”

Always wanting to play and can’t help it. Knowing how Riona’s actual feeling somehow made me feel a bit shy. She looks at me more compared to myself even though I made that oath to always protect her and worse, because of my feeling of guilt towards Hina, I would often times neglect her and put a distance to her.

All of that happened because Riona is just look to similar with Hina. I put a distance with her because seeing her made me remember my past, so I tried to avoid her as much as I can.

---- But now, I know that Riona is actually Hina herself being reincarnated here…… With this, I lose my reason to run away from her again.

“…… We should do something with those wings. If we let it that way, you will truly become a demon lord…… and if that indeed happened, I don’t know whether I could do anything to resolve it”
“…… What if I just go to a place where there are no humans and live quietly there? That way, I won’t trouble anyone…… Right?”
“I won’t let you do that. Sarasa-san and Hains-san wouldn’t want that…… and don’t forget our friends waiting for you to come back”

I move to Riona’s back then remove the pendant that is hanging on her neck. I just don’t have the guts to remove it from the front even when our outer appearances are just small children.

“Ah…… Hiro-chan, you can’t! if you take that off……”
“Please don’t move for a bit. I will return it back to you after this so please bear with me for a while……”